My drug is almost here. A user returning to the source. The day I get to return to Facebook. Turns out that my personal strength is stronger than I thought. 46 tormenting days of no social network--it is possible. So now for my final thoughts regarding this experience bringing my blog to a close and hopefully my book to life.
Knowing that in approximately an hour and a half I will be linked to over 500 people as my so-called friends, I find myself overwhelmed with nerves. Its strange I know to say that, but considering I have for almost the past 7 weeks been isolated to myself, not worrying about what anyone else was doing with their lives, but my own. It sort of feels like Im taking on that part time job again and it seems like a lot of work. Balancing your "Facebook Page" as far as updates is exhausting--honestly not something I am looking forward to at all. The re-vamping may not happen tonight, depends on how I receive the ambush of statuses and check what Im assuming to be a large wad of notifications. Those little red flags are no longer seeming to be 'welcoming' but rather a bother.
Perhaps my rehabilitation went according to plan and I no longer wish to spend my life on Facebook. As per one of my last entries, I need to maintain a balance of who I am and who I want to be seen as. Real. I cannot allow myself to get sucked in again, but use it as what I feel it can be used best for, a resource for communication. Not a narration of my life. I also can feel the temptations of who I will stalk as soon as I get back on. But more importantly I am acknowledging who I have avoided for 7 weeks and honestly am afraid to see how their lives have changed 'without me'. I don't want to know. Ever have those people that always seem to be on your list of people to check when you sign on. Well I don't want that list anymore. It is the time for change.
Overall this experience has taught me the many many uses for social networking, most of which we have now become solely dependent on. Yes I maintained my friends in real life and was able to talk to everyone while transferring information. But it was probably 5 times harder than if I had simply been on the same website with them only a click away. As the years continue forward, students and children of today will only know how to Facebook. They will not remember what it was like before this or Twitter or Myspace and other social networks. They will entrap themselves in that part time job of updating meaningless information for the sake of staying in the loop. This is not what I want to be, a drone or slave to a URL. I only hope that upon me signing in, my profile doesn't blow up and I do not immediately feel overwhelmed. No idea how I am going to organize my notifications considering as soon as I click on it, I know they will all disappear. Shit. What a mess I've created. So note to anyone else out there looking to take on this challenge. De-activate your account if you do this. Test yourself and your life. Can you and your relationships survive the absence of this immediate form of communication that we so willing succumb to? Can you find solitude a welcoming friend or depressing reality. My time away has now come to a close and yes I am excited to be part of the gang again, part of the world. Sad to say this, but its true. I am a kid returning home from summer camp and all my friends are waiting to throw me a party. Ha. Okay not exactly but the delayed and absent messages will greet me. Has my image been trashed? Have people written inappropriate notes on my wall? Do I still have all my 'friends'? Only time can tell. Who knows maybe this act of release will have proven to be more fulfilling than the original drug and inspire me to delete my page once and for all... Nah prob not. Ha.
It feels like Christmas morning and I can not wait to open my presents. See you in the virtual world.
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