Dearest Blog,
A few days ago I was elated with joy as the final week on my mission came to a close, upon which my eldest sister decided to bring some news to my attention. You see being raised Catholic myself, the whole premise of the testing of one's strength lies in that of Lent. Where you give up something that means a lot to you and that you may indulge or depend on for comfort or enjoyment. The absence of this item or act is to remind you of the temptations we live with, the testing of oneself and faith, as well as a reminder of the big Man upstairs and the journey He went through. As a person aware of the overlap between cultural habits and practices, I wish to keep any connotation of a religious standpoint aside for this experiment. However, whilst I was counting to forty with each passing day, my sister reminded me that during Lent one does not only go for 40 consecutive days, but rather 46 since Sundays are considered Holy and not counted.
Yes. 46 days to be exact. Meaning that I have made the initial goal of 40 days, but in order to fulfill my sacrifice for lent and rightfully finish my challenge, I have an extended deadline until sunset Saturday. FML. Oh how I wish I could just bend the rules, but for the sake of showing self-restraint and proving many a points, I intend to remain clean for another 5 days.
As my journey continues I begin to realize the entrapment that Facebook and many other social networks offer. You see as of 5 weeks ago I abandoned certain people who were that of high interest to me and vice versa. Yet despite my vacation from the social network, other forms of communication create opportunity. As predicted but not expected, some individuals have used alternate modes of communication to get ahold of me. No matter how hard I have tried to leave behind my virtual life, it lingers and follows me. Those who I left behind have found me--via Skype, Email, Texts etc. We no longer can be alone, unless of course we lock ourselves in a room without technology. People can find and reach out to you in so many ways because of our electronic signals. It has given my perspectives on "Goodbyes" a whole new meaning. Before it may have been an absolute, meaning that you could very well never see this person again. After high school we all disappear, you move out of state or worse out of the country and could very well never be heard from again. Not anymore. Nothing is ever finished. The exes you breakup with, the one that got away, the friend you stopped talking to, and the cousin your family disowned--they are all accessible in some way shape or form.
So the people I left behind several weeks ago in hopes of moving on or giving my brain a break from their presence, returned to haunt me. Nothing is ever finished. And with this new realization I feel a sense of calm to let go of more, knowing that connection/communication and people have entered a new age where nothing is ever really over between two people but paused until further notice. One thing is for sure in the modernization and culture of people, Change is Constant.
My appreciation for Facebook and other areas of life that link us to one another in an accessible and easy format has most definitely grown. However my attachment to the site has dramatically lowered. I now plan on what I will do as an action of prevention from falling back into the droned state I was previously. Facebook is not real life, but a resource. Therefore should be treated as such. My list of friends to add has ceased, now knowing that it doesn't matter unless they serve a purpose in my life longterm. My current friends are dwindling in my head count as we speak, which many are in for a rude awakening. And my connections to friends will without a doubt improve but not necessarily make us better friends.
Interestingly enough, while discussing my sacrifice to my mother, and the steps I have gone through as well as the blog entries documented--she made the reference of my experience to that of a grieving process post death. The phases of which I seem to be going through according to her are as follows: 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance.
Parts of these may apply but more so I find the stages of drug rehabilitation to fit more accurately: 1. Acceptance/Admittance 2. Understanding/Awareness of the problem 3. Making a decision to change and planning steps to ensure this occurs 4. Learning skills to cope 5. Gradual incorporation of 'normal' life. There you have it, Im a rehabilitated drug addict. Thanks Facebook for the identity crisis and life evaluation. Ha. Just kidding of course. But yet this realization still holds some truth. Not only myself, but many other people use Facebook too damn much. After all, sometimes too much of a good thing can be bad. It has become the drug we like to abuse, the friends we pretend to have, the life we wish we lived, and metaphorically the candy we over consume. And I think we all know what happens when you eat too much candy...
