Day 1: Why??

As the clock struck midnight I took one last glance at the screen and then logged off for my long and dreaded 40 day marathon. Instantaneously I realized my own solitude and the ugly brown color of my bedroom walls. Why did I do this again?? The first question that popped into my head as I struggled to answer. Oh yes to prove something to someone in hopes of doing that one thing. However despite my sudden emptiness, I immediately felt free. No one to impress or avoid, no comments I'd have to comment back to, no pokes to click, etc.. It was as if I had just quit a part-time job and was given numerous hours in a day to do whatever the hell I wanted. The chains were revoked.

Funny enough, once word got around of my last post or "note" regarding my brilliant idea to challenge myself, the reactions from others was quite entertaining. My chat box was probably the busiest it has been in awhile as simultaneously I held at least 7 conversations explaining my reasoning behind my actions. Everyone was trying to get in one last conversation with me as if I were dying, regardless of the fact that we rarely ever chatted in the first place. Ha. Questions or comments of FB friends included that of, how will I get ahold of you, what will you do, and my personal favorite I will miss you. This will be key to my book reference, that act of missing someone who really isn't even there. Now many will probably take slight comfort in the fact that my photo and information is still posted, but the key component is that that in itself is not ME. Its a picture of me and some descriptors of what I want to represent myself as. People wont miss ME, they will miss the idea of me as well as the opportunity of potential instant connection. Forgetting about that thing that Graham Bell created.

Moving on to my first day, as with any usual day, the urges to sign on came and went-- what I would assume to be the usual cravings of  any addict in my position. Some may say that simply by keeping this memoir of thoughts I am still contributing and yet still attached to the social network. Yes perhaps, but by not allowing others to comment or even know 'who' is associated with viewing my information, I am still confined to my own existence void of direct judgment. Hence the social experiment at hand. If no one can see me, hear me or stalk (aka 'follow') me, do I still exist. Kind of like the philosophical question that most people have heard: If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a noise?

I find myself more motivated than ever to make it the 40 days, hoping I really do not need Facebook. I actually feel that it should get easier with each coming day...or at least hope so. After all, why on earth would I need to know what everyone I have ever possibly met in the last few years is doing everyday? The important people in my life who I allow to influence me should be the ones I have 'real-life' contact with and should not be hindered by this charade.

So the question continues on...Why do we feel we need Facebook? Can we feel a part of something bigger without actually being a part of a website that is well known and often visited? Can I abandon everyone I call my 'friend' in that virtual world? And can I make it the next month and a half, without even finding a use for Facebook that I do not already have access to? I believe at this point, it all comes down to the acceptance of being okay with the fact that I could very well be a Nobody. Yet when will that time come when I recognize my own literal social status? Especially when even as we speak a countdown on my desktop inches towards the day where I can sign on to that perfect shade of blue and ### Friends to see those little red flags, screaming "Welcome home Juliet".